Zamboni has been asked, where is Vladimir Putin? The leader of the many Russians. Like all questions, I can answer this.
Vladimir called me last week and said, “hey, Zamboni, great one, I am so frickin stressed out, with the Ukraine, my blood pressure, the oligarchs getting up my ass- what should i do to deal with this stress? I tried to take a crap it was like a Piroshki of lead in there, I’m gonna blow an O-ring if i don’t-”
-Here I interrupted him. We always talk phone, never Skype (Even though Skype was developed by Estonians and hence I love this- but Putin’s stare is very off-putting, even for me, the equilibrious greatzamboni, so I prefer not to see his face. Even when we play Croquet I pixilate him)
“Vlad, please, take three breaths and three sips of the Kava drink I sent to you. Now three more. Feel the freeze on the lips? Yes.. Wait for it..Good, now listen.
“Okay now, here is what you do.” I sent him to a very peaceful place I like to go, when even sometimes I great zamboni needs to relax. It is a sinkhole made by a comet that came to Earth a million years ago. In it the waters are cool and will restore your balance to the earth. I sent him there.
I can’t tell you where this is, to respect his privacy. But the name of the country sounds like, “Oh man!”
So leave him be and worry about yourself! Because there are other more important things to worry about!