Today, Sue from Mobile, Alabama, asks, ” is it a blessing that my boyfriend who wanted kids with me, has suddenly changed his mind?!”. Sue also tells me she is 40 plus, and wishes to have kids if she can.
Interesting question Sue, and also interesting punctuation. You use a “!” and a “?” side by side, which says to Zamboni (because I myself have a 12 year old daughter so I am knowing something about texting syntax) that this new feeling from your boyfriend has more than one side for you.
As does having the children. In Estonia we have a saying, which translates roughly as, “if you have no of children, may you have many several sheep, for your bed will be cold.” Children are a great comfort. When they come into your life, as a blessing, what you thought was your number 1 purpose and goal in the universe gets bumped to number 2. You always know at any given time, what your life is about: caring for these kids.
And of course, on the “?” side- there is much difficulty. It is also a great weight, a great responsibility that we are not always prepared for. As Jerry Seinfeld says, “make no mistake, they are here to replace us.” They make us see our own mortality quite clear. Plus, as with daughter of Zamboni, they can ruin vacation by crying in uncontrollable fit and screaming in public place like you are trying to murder them, until you finally try spanking which only makes it worse by increasing crying volume and making you feel like monster. It aint easy and there is no handbook.
But to answer your question, is it “blessing”….?
Yes, and I’ll tell you why.
Your boyfriend has changed his mind because you alone are enough for him. He no has need for kids to make your love complete. But also perhaps because he is scared; kids make us men grow up, and we very deep wish never to grow up. This why we buy Corvette and try to date 18 year old when we are in Mannopause.
The real blessing here is not his decision, but the love you have. Accept his “sudden” decision with total tranquility. Show no signs of disappointment. This will shock him, but show him that it is him you love, not the future child he might procreate. We men are also insecure in this way.
At the end of the day, when your love is healthy, a child may come of it. We all know, Zamboni most of all, it is easy to make a child. Making a home of love, into which a child would be blessed to enter, that is other thing- and greater. Make that home Sue, the best you can, and if child is meant to be, it will be.
I sincerely hope answer Zamboni has given helps in some way -even a small smile is a blessing- and I wish you luck.