Is Bigger Better?

why, in all things, is “Bigger” considered “Better” ?

The above question comes from my reader named Harvey from San Francisco, and he specifically mentions two things, pigs and televisions,  that folk wisdom say benefit from large size. I thought the easiest way to answer this, might be simply to make a list of those things that is BETTER BIG and those things BETTER SMALL.

BIG/LONG:
-Hugs. Smiles. Russian novels. Slices of pie. Letters. Summers. First loves. First heartbreaks. Yes, TVs. Jackson Pollack canvases. Roads in the desert you drive on with best friend for road trip.  Estonian weddings. Failures. (One doesn’t learn from small ones) Time for aging cheese.

SMALL/SHORT: Apologies. Scones. Coffees. (Stop for them more often. The average Italian has thirty-four espressos daily but they are four drips each.) Beards. Songs. Explanations. John Cheever stories. Estonian funerals.  Jokes.

You see Harvey, size does matter, but in surprising ways.  As you may know, the Rhinoceros has the largest penis in the animal kingdom. But if you are unlucky enough to have seen one very close, as Zamboni has during fraternity stunt, believe me you will not envy this beast. His member is strange in too many ways for me to detail here, legally. And I have seen the mating of these beasts as we had them as pets when I was a boarding school youth in Borneo, it was a joyless affair I can assure you.

Besides, as the wild Irish sage John O’ Flanagan has said, “it is not the size of the ship, but the motion in the ocean.” I leave it to you to interpret, while you are watching your bigger TV for the superbowl.

Goodnight!