Barry Bonds is Perfect

“Is Barry Bonds Guilty?”

The above question comes from a Zambones reader with the unfortunate name of Sal Manella, from Spokane in, according to him, Washington.

Sal, this baseball great is guilty, but I’m not concerned just with this biceptual enhancement of his giant loins. He is guilty of Hubris, that tragic flaw of pride and self-importance that has brought low so many great men. Zamboni has watched some baseball in his life, and he notice whenever this Bonds hits a home-run he cross the plate and then look up to the sky like he is thanking God or Jesus. In my recent conversation with God I asked him whether he was personally responsible for some people home running and making others strike out or get walked. This he says to me, “are you kidding me?”, which I interpret to mean that God doesn’t really care about making home runs. “Besides,” Yahweh added, “if he like me so much, how come he trade in the body I give him for the Robocop version?”

In my long life I have seen many things. I have seen a skinny boy from San Francisco with a penchant for redheads and smoking Camels hit safely in 56 games. His name was Joe Dimaggio and without abs of Titanium he gets Marilyn Monroe into sack. I have seen fat guy named babe Ruth hit 714 home runs, and that is the record, still for me.

And is sad to me, because isn’t that what we’re all guilty of? Thinking we are not naturally good enough so we must always be adding. News flash to you great Barry Bonds- Zambones forgives you, but you didn’t need it. You were already perfect enough for the Perfect Game.

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