“Don’t Be a Dick” (2 of 29 and a half)

The above sage words are the 2nd grave revelation revealed to me by the Pontiac Indian I unearthed beneath Hopper Creek.

But, What exactly is a dick, in this sense of “Don’t be a dick“?

As my old Friend f. Gump would say, ” dick is as  dick does”, so what exactly does a dick do? Or perhaps not do? Do be do be do, etc.

A dick looks at your boobs when you’re trying to talk to him, but does it sort of on purpose so you notice and feel weird.

A dick doesn’t go to his friends play that she directed because he spaced it out living his important life.

A dick forgot it was your birthday, again.

A dick never shuts up, and the sad thing is they never even say, “oh shit I’ve been talking about my job/kids/problems for half an hour, i’m being such a dick- how are you?”

A dad who’s a dick just says “no” regardless of whether he needs to.

A boss who’s a dick uses intimidation and wierd authoritarian vibes to exercise control, or “motivate”. (Even some people who purportedly were power mad dicks, like Coach Bear Bryant, would often times, just when his players thought he’d rip them new arseholes with a yelling jag during a losing halftime- would often be calm, friendly and just say something like, “well, boys I think we can play a lot better than this, and i’m awful sorry for failing you as a coach today, let’s go back out there and have some fun in the second half and see what we can do, what do ya say?” His players, so taken aback with this non-dick approach, would charge out on fire and dominate the game from then on with savage ferocity of elephant herd.)

A dick is the guy standing around quiety while the other guy said “need a ride home?”

A dick tips exactly 15%.

Basically, a dick is someone who puts in a little less work on anything than he should, and is so wrapped up in the momentouness of their life that everyone and everything else sort of fades into the background.

Now I am not saying you always need to think of others and be selfless. Your first duty is to love yourself, care for yourself, and tend to your passions and goals like a gardener tends to very freagile and special orchids. “Cultivate your garden” sayeth Voltaire.

Just don’t a dick about it.

We all bigot. Dicks just deny it.

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