Dear Zamboni, who’s texting me?

Dear Great z-

I just got a text of an intimate nature. The problem is, I don’t know who the sender is- and don’t know how to find out without being rude or hurting their feelings. How do I do this slyly, without just saying “who the hell you are?”

-Awkward J

Dear Awk J-

Is funny. I myself great zamboni just received a text yesterday at midnight which said “hey, what are you doing right now?” and my old cell phone the size of beer can shows only for caller ID “Lisa F.”

Who the hell Lisa F was I did not know! But I had to find out without hurting the feelings of this alleged female. What if we had been intimate once making what we call in Estonia “a warm sushi party” together? What if it were my second cousin on my aunt Svetlanika’s side- what if both were true?

So, to be safe, I text back: “I am thinking of you”

She respond: “?y?$%#$^#@@!!!!! HEEE!!”

Instantly I recognize this is that Lisa F. -a snake charmer I met at a Taxonomy convention in Chappaquidick and this was our code word for “watching TV”

Now if this had been my grandmother, she merely would have said something like, ” how sweet you are my little zamboniman (: ”

My point is this: In this situation say something bold yet vague, that way you will get a reaction. And positive or negative, a real reaction is better than no reaction.

The same is true for life. Speak up, even if you say something offensive or taboo- at least it will keep other people- and you- awake.

Remember what the Buddha say: “there are three things that cannot be hidden:the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

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