Zamboni’s Qwanzaa Sermon

(For your approval, I submit the text of the talk I gave on the third night of Quanzaa, the night of UJIMA , in the service of the Church of Fifi and Fanny… in San Francisco..)

I am great zamboni and I know all, see all, and do all…

and this is my HOMILY for the third night of Quanzaa…


(this is the traditional Swahili greeting for quanzaa, translated as ‘whats the news?”)

It may surprise you to know that even in the deep magenta forests of estonia, Quanzaa is celebrated. The core of Quanzaa, the sweet nut inside the shell of the 7 principles is the concept of self-determination.. And if we break this down to its very last compound we are left with this mighty idea:

The job of defining who you are is no one’s job but your own. Quanzaa says to the world “‘we who have a common past will create together a powerful future…”

This is true both for individuals and groups. Take Great zamboni, PLEASE!

No seriously, take me. In the eyes of the world, I am put into many boxes and labels:

-male model
-hunk of beauty
-beefy cakes
-wise sage
-estonian fugitive
-illegal immigrant
-gun owner
-jellybean hoarder

But do these lapels really tell the story of who I am inside? (Actually those sort of sum me up, but that’s beside the point…as per usual I am the exception..)

-My point is this, we are more than what others determine us to be…

I call you a “korean anerican transgender libertarian bookbinder” and then I think I know you… She identifies herself as an “intellectual bisexual vegan fishmonger” and then I believe I have your number…

Our souls are greater than the meager words people dress them in!

Our races and ethnic posses are more interesting than the labels people slap on them…

So why do we celebrate Quanzaa here today? because self-determination is a blessing for all races… Let the 7 candles, the seven principles of quanzaa light the way for us in 2013!

Since todays principle is UJIMA (which stands for COLLECTIVE WORK AND RESPONSIBILITY) let us reflect on this principle tonite…

As fifi has fanny, peanut butter has jelly, and the Bradys have the bunch, so to make life we must work together, collecting ourselves… Who knows -except I great zamboni, what hurricanes, celebrity pregnancies, sad calamities and disaster await us in 2013- but if we remember UJIMA we will take responsibility for each other.

But like my uncle Cordeleia the poet used to say, “talk is shit” (it sounds more nice in Estonian…) we are only worth our pickles if in our actions we live the UJIMA this year, and every day..


In the name of the fifi, the fanny, and the great zamboni, let us say

and happy quanzaa

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