“Great Zamboni, what is your first name?”

You know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked me that!

I think most people have assumed that, like Madonna, Prince, and Sonny and Cher, I have just the one  name- but in fact Zamboni is a last name I garnered from my adoptive parents. My first name I have never spoken of out loud in public before this minute.

It is Chocoflan. Pronounced “chocko-flahn”. Yes it is the same as the Mexican desert that is a hybrid of custardy flan and delicious chocolate cake. Call me Chocoflan Zamboni. It wasn’t always this way. I added it in my youth.

Are two wonderful things better when added to each other? Yes. Like a Biscuit and butter.
Are two wonderful things better when added to each other? Yes. Like a Biscuit and butter.

Funny story. Spring break, 1984 I was taking a year off from Estonian University to study abroad, here in US. I am student at Georgia Southern University for one year, doing field studies on Biscuits and Potlikker, when there was epic fraternal party at my Theta Chi house. As social chairman, I had once again pushed the limits. A mechanical bull  in a swimming pool of green jello.  Whole Elks roasting slowly underground. Entertainment by Big daddy Kane and John Mellencamp (then Cougar.)

After this soiree, I woke up south of the Border, down Mexico Way. Specifically, Panama.  I awoke in an alleyway naked except for a donut-shaped ring of Chocoflan on top of my head- like a succulent halo. I also was wearing a Ruby on my little little finger as big as tangerine. Needless to exhort, I sold the ruby for clothes and plane fare back home, and I ate the Chocoflan as it was a delicious combination of two wonderful deserts and I was insanely hungry .

What wonderful grandmother took pity on a sleeping Zamboni and left me the Chocoflan? Why? And why on my head? And the Ruby, does it have magical powers as the old ladies sometimes whisper about? Should I have kept it? So I added legally the name in front of Zamboni.

Even weirder is this: Recently two PHd candidates in Zamboni Studies were going through some ancient geneologies of myself and my bloodline. They found that I was descended from a  Portugese grand duchess by the name of Consuelita de Archtango Langoustine d’Choxokoflanito. Silent X.

There are some things we just can’t explain. And some things are not meant to be explained.


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