How does Zamboni pray?

Ah yes…. eat, pray, love, miniature golf- all these avocations are things i –great zamboni- spend time on when I am not Ice Yachting or partaking of Gymkhana, or otherwise pursuing amateur lycoscopy.

But the question is, how does Zamboni pray.

Prayer is  very personal to who you are, likewise the way i do is unique to me.

First I turn 360 degrees, the biggest peak i see, no matter how far away, I immediately climb to the top. This could be 20 feet, or 20 miles away, no dif. So, when I am at the top, I take out three things from my manpurse:


-A peepstone I recieved from Joseph Smith

-A prune Humentashen as offering, this jewish delicacy I place on top of the Book of Mormon.

-A rabbit’s foot Jesus lost to me in a poker game when he ran out of shekels.

One I have these sacred objects arranged, I merely open my mouth and ask the gods for help. This takes about 12 minutes as I owe something to all the gods, seers, seekers, and prophets, from Apollo to Zarathustra. And I need lots help.

I just ask for help and expect things to get better.

Someone told me once this, “Zamboni, you always have a friend to turn to in love, which is God. And that friend is You.”

Quixotic I know, but remember, it’s supposed to be mysterious, and it is. Enjoy this wisdom in the best of health: that Zamboni is happy because not he know all the answers, but because he like questions.

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