Many people have asked me, “hey great zamboni, what are your new years resolutions?”
Well, here they are, rocking like a hurricane:
1. Watch all of Mindy Project because she so funny. She remind me of sassy nurse from Estonian prison where I spent three days after plum wine bender. Y2K.
2. Return Obama’s texts.
3. Stop going to Gym. I overdo so much, must relax. I have Creatine buildup in kidney so I pee orange.
4. Be as kind to myself as I try to be to others.
5. Figure out why people not like Gluten.
6. See people as people.
7. Chew my food.
8. Laugh more. Talk more. Love more.
9. Check expiration date on Milk.
10. Pay my valet the 5 bucks I borrow from him.
There it is- be well and a happy new year- like we say in Estonia, “a mean goat ruins your stew, but a sweet goat make you go hungry”
great zamboni 
Dear Zamboni
Thank you for sharing your New Year resolutions. They are very relaxing.
I have a question: as the years go by I wonder what is the secret to aging gracefully. I am certain you will know.
The secret to aging is three things!
-drink pickle juice, fermentation is key
-laugh every day, and two hugs
-limit attendance in meetings which require sitting
Solved!