Zamboni has been asked, where is Vladimir Putin? The leader of the many Russians. Like all questions, I can answer this.
Vladimir called me last week and said, “hey, Zamboni, great one, I am so frickin stressed out, with the Ukraine, my blood pressure, the oligarchs getting up my ass- what should i do to deal with this stress? I tried to take a crap it was like a Piroshki of lead in there, I’m gonna blow an O-ring if i don’t-”
-Here I interrupted him. We always talk phone, never Skype (Even though Skype was developed by Estonians and hence I love this- but Putin’s stare is very off-putting, even for me, the equilibrious greatzamboni, so I prefer not to see his face. Even when we play Croquet I pixilate him)
“Vlad, please, take three breaths and three sips of the Kava drink I sent to you. Now three more. Feel the freeze on the lips? Yes.. Wait for it..Good, now listen.
“Okay now, here is what you do.” I sent him to a very peaceful place I like to go, when even sometimes I great zamboni needs to relax. It is a sinkhole made by a comet that came to Earth a million years ago. In it the waters are cool and will restore your balance to the earth. I sent him there.
So leave him be and worry about yourself! Because there are other more important things to worry about!