Zamboni, What Are You Wearing?

This great question comes from reader, “Sweetstachebro”. It is not talked of enough, what we wear. ! As Mark Twain said or maybe Shakespeare- I don’t really know the difference, “the clothes make the man”. So think of this the next time you go out in public with your cracked toes in flippy flops and a T-Shirt that says like, Hang Ten, or Chico State or something, and jeans that be hanging below your tush- what does this say about YOU?

I wear a bowtie. Now I know there are haters of bowtie who say man who wear bowtie cannot achieve erection. But I can assure you, personally, this is untrue. I have woody of great reknown once a year on the Autumnal equinox that lasts for 16 hours during which time I donate my seeds for charity.

It is very difficult to learn the bowtie tie, it takes patience and the help of a man at Brooks, but it is quite worth it. Isn’t the difficult more worthwhile sometimes? Unlike a regular tie, you cannot see what you are doing because it is right there below your chin.

Sometimes life blinds us- but we must continue, no?

Blazers? Always Harris Tweed. This woven by real people in little shacks on remote islands off Scotland. You look close it even have bits of colorful heather and peat in it. I don’t know what either of those are, but they are best tweeds. In picture I wear red only because it is club color.

Jackets always vintage, always union made, and under 10$ at Army of Salvation. It 50 years old and will still outlast that thing your girlfriend got you from Banannas Republic. Viva Amalgamated Clothing and Garment Workers of Your America!

Yes the jeans are patched. Always patch and save. Like women, clothes only get more beautiful with age, BUT only if you/they do not hide the age. Like snow white hair, you see my jeans proudly wear and are purified by their experiences. They are patched with the shred of a dress worn by a french lover from long ago. Memories of  a painfully stony beach  on the Riviera.

Above my right hand on the lapel you see a chzotchke of shiny metal. This must remain my secret as if I told you of the Order it is signifying I would have to eat you. Though it is greater to have a future, a  man should still retain some of his mysterious past.

Underwear? No. Like Nutrasweet in my coffee; Never have, never will.

Your Fate is in the Box. Would it kill you to wear a jacket and tie occasionally?