Zamboni Live in Oakland Makes Impact

Breaking news

I, the one called Great Zamboni, mover and shaker and shucker of mollusks both great and small- will be appearing live and not in holographic sense but in the flesh here:

Somar Bar in Oakland Cal. November 17th… whereas on this night a % of each libation quaffed shall go to benefit Impact Theatre– a great place and a company that has supported the growth of myself, Great Zamboni- and produces many great plays well.

Please come and drink until, like Homer wrote “night fell over his eyes” but promise not to drive yourself home thank you.

Things I learned doing the Show:

Hello friends, I am great zamboni, and my five week engagement in Berkeley Ca. just ended, holy cheese did I learn a lot about you, your problems, and even myself- and the devil as well.

About you: I learned that we all have pretty much the same questions, and yet each night it was difficult to predict what queries filled up the jar: Who was the sexiest presiden? How can I have more joy in my life and less stress? How can I find out what i’m meant to do? What is the key to good parenting? What should I do about my ex-wife and her high demands on me? Why does sex make everything so complicated in a friendship? I just found out my dad was married before he married my mom  what should I do? Vanilla or Chocolate?  and probably the hardest question of all, “Who’s responsible?”

What I (Zamboni) learned about me: that people generally like Zamboni and that many people are laughing at (with? no probably at) him quite vociferously and a lot. Some compare me to Borat, others say “you are funnier than that Ali G guy!”, that everyone likes free T-shirts, and Zamboni has  a knack for making permanent love connections with his trademarked Zamboni dating Game. I learned that people feel comfortable enough around Zamboni to boo and yell things and yet most return after intermission, and even stay after the show and say praise. I learned Zambones can make em laugh, but also can make ’em go “m…ah.”

What I (Jordan the actor) learned: solo shows are frickin hard, tiring, grueling and a helluva lot of work. Big new respect have I for Dan Hoyle, Bogosian, Danny Hoch, Anna Deveare Smith, Josh Kornbluth, and anyone who gets on stage by themselves for an hour plus. I shvitzed like a damn sprinter every night. I learned having a director is key, and without one like Katja Rivera I would have been sailing a nice boat without a rudder to give me any unifying direction or purpose. Is rudder the word? I think it is. I learned I have a crazy-supportive family who double as Zamboni fans and having them in the house was a great spur. I learned I have friends who will be honest about the show and that there’s no shame in listening to ’em. I learned having an audience of six happens, but if it’s a rowdy group of senior citizens who decide they can talk back to me every 5 minutes, then it makes for a memorable show anyway.

I learned sucking back a Gu before every show is a good idea. Those cyclists know energy boost.

And lastly, I learned that the Devil is always very punctual, and  as stereotyped as it may be, does in fact wear a red dress.

2 New Questions

Hello friends, from tonight’s show, I the Zamboni answered many questions, these were two in case you were not there:

Q:Oh Zamboni, can people change?

A: No. 

Q:Oh Zamboni, what should one do when they turn 21?

A: Ah yes, a practical and interesting question. Go to a bar and get shitfaced with at least 8 drinks. This is for many reasons. You don’t want to be 4o and someone asks, “what did you do when you turned 21?” and you can’t really remember anything cool. Also, you want to exceed with excess.. the pain of the hangover will prevent you from over-indulging in the future. Milestones are important, turning 13, 16, 21, 40..50 etc..

Each one gets sweeter, because like my Grandmother Scretlana used to say when asked “how are you?”; she’d growl, chewing on her pipe, “not dead, thanks for asking.” You see? So go ahead, make a big deal out these things which are “arbitrary” or “random”… Yes, who the hell really knows when Christ was born, has anyone seen the birth certificate? But that doesn’t make Egg Nogg on Christmas any less tasty. Right?

Thank you to my audience, and here’s a review of the Zamboni show, playing till Aug 10th.