Texting Woman Falls in Fountain: Zamboni Can Help!

I, Zambonesman, can find beauty anywhere. In the leavings of a cow, the dying groan of a giant squid, in face of a toothless hag on cold night, or even in advertising.

Before last wednesday, my favorite short poem was:

Raid kills bugs dead.

No longer, since seeing this short poem from the CNN scribes which sums up all this zeitgeist of whole world in this new century from Estonia to Boise:

Texting woman falls in fountain, sues.

As you might imagine, this woman is upset that 2 million people laugh at her over and over on You Tube (you must open new window, go there, put magic poem in box of search – laughter is healthy) but that is the real tragedy. Is not that she falls, is that she not make something good from. I help.

Dear Woman Who Was Captured Texting Your Way into Fountain in Mall in Which You Yourself Works:

This has happened to Zamboni several times! Your mistake was not oblivious text walking. Your real fault is not to bust gut laughing at yourself doing this! And not to parlay this your 15 minutes of fame into something good. Make a T-Shirt and bumper sticker of your falling face, with “woops!” or “who moved the fountain?” and couple this with surveillance camera graphic  and “SPLASH!”then you may land in a million dollars and maybe a slot on So You Think You Can Dance? Open Pay Pal account now! Don’t you think if you call The Price is Right RIGHT NOW and say, “hey,  I’m the one fall in the fountain, put me on your game show!” they say yes? For their publicity. Right this minute you could be winning a boat and a new refridgerator, perhaps.

So please, woman who fell, turn this lemons to lemonade, because in one week, your spotlight will move on to other absurd thing. One way or another, all accomplishments and goofups fade from memory. But what matters is what we make of them.

Sic Transit Gloria... do you know this guys name? NO! No one will remember your hysterical splash in a year!

I say you still have two days to take this action, Woman Who Splashed (even change your name to that, like Native American!) Good luck.

And by the way, Zambonesman spent much time criss crossing country in bus with Neal Cassidy and other Beats, in order to “dig” long hallucination of American night. There was a beat poet named Lew Welch. It was he who write the ad copy above for Raid. One day he seek to dig too much and set off wandering into forest and never come back. Is too bad, he would have liked the CNN line. He probably would not have guessed that his immortality would be this four words. We never know at what moment the genius of our life may appear. Be ready.

Glory and stupid You Tube videos do fade, beauty does not.