Zamboni Sells Out!

I really had a  time last night. It was the last of my two shows at the Monkey House. I looked out through a crack in the back curtain at 7:50 and saw maybe two people. Much sadness. I think to myself, “what the fuck man?! Here I am busting my humps- paying for the damn space..doing my show, and nobody come…” etc etc. cue tiny fingertip violin.

But then I come out at 8:10 and the place is packed. Full.  My first sell out show. People are drinking their beers and splitting cervixes they are laughing so hard. The questions as well were great they ask to Zamboni (“What’s the difference between the male orgasm and the femael orgasm?…Where did your name come from?… Should i have a baby with Zamboni?”) 

I left the Monkeyhouse with hope. I still am angry that offers don’t get delivered to me on plates. Afterall, everytime I do show, people laugh, they sigh, they learn something- they enjoy- so why don’t more people say “Hey Zamboni, do show in my theatre! Make me a million sheckels as I produce you on Broadway “etc. But this does not happen.

But as long as people keep coming and enjoying, laughing and thinking- I have chance to get on Jimmy Kimmel and Carnegie Hall.

Thanks you, if you came to see show- if not don’t sleep on the next one.

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How the Hell am I Ever Going to Get to Carnegie Hall?

This is a very good question Zamboni, and since you have asked yourself -me, the great zamboni, certainly we can come to a good and right answer.

Dreaming of Big Fish, appreciating my hard core or fans I have now! Ed, Linda, Eva, Ralph, Eli, Dash, Solia, (chesire isaacs photo)
Dreaming of Big Fish, appreciating my hard core or fans I have now! Ed, Linda, Eva, Ralph, Eli, Dash, Solia, (chesire isaacs photo)

You certainly have a long road ahead. You are currently what we call in Estonian show business parlance, “small goat nuts”. Last Thursday’s show at The Monkey House in Berkeley was no doubt rocking like a hurricane, but most people there were directly related to you, at least by blood or two degrees. Take your mom out of the equation?=crickets. So I take your question to really be, how can I expand my audience, my name, my reknown so that larger and larger doors open and the world can know and appreciate the who and what and how of Zamboni, is that it?

Yes, more or less Zamboni, you are insightful.

Okay, thank you, as I promised, even if it is myself asking the question, great zamboni can never be stumped. Here is what you must do.

Be everywhere. All the time. Doing Zamboni. Like my granny Priitik used to draw in the dirt, (she was mute): If you are trying to snag a moby dick, use a big god damn net.

Shirts, stickers, Internet virus video, talent shows, open mics, bar and bat mitzvahs, remember those books as a child, Lowly Worm, how that worm shows up everywhere? Be the worm!

Keep getting better Zamboni, keep your eyes on the big fish, even if you get pre-occupied with being a small fish- know where you wish to be headed and keep one eye on that. Yes its easy to get bitter because success isn’t served on platter to you, or this person never comes to your show, or no one seems to give a shit about developing solo artists in this damn town, etc- but as my drill sargeant in Estonian Special Forces liked to say “boo fucking hoo! now keep marching you partakers in goat ass!” ( hard to translate)

So Zamboni, be everywhere. Make your success an inevitable fact. Make Carnegie Hall too small a venue to fit your your fans, but do it anyway (have to add an 11:00 show) But only do this as long as it is fun.

You Can Thank Estonia!

My country, Estonia, has brought to you people many great things, some of which I will announce and revel in, when I perform this week in Berkeley. But did you know, that perhaps most special of all, is the athletic activity of Wife Carrying Competition?

Yes, the men throw their wives over their shoulders, make a race, and see who is fastest- super enjoying! (see Estonian-style of carry here)

Learn this and more this coming week at my show!

Ciao old sport!