Best Christmas Blog Post Ever

Christmas Eve, 2014

Your stockings are pretty much empty. The tree is small. There are no presents under it, wrapped in stripey or any other kind of paper. Your nuclear family detonated long ago. Your relatives live in the city or travel from here to there, or have other families to be with. One brother is somewhere in France, you’re not sure. The other lives across the pond. Maybe you have a few memories of ham dinners and stockings bursting with oranges and pistachios and a hundred chotchkes you can’t recall now. That’s cool.

Your daughter is far away. Complicated.  Your girl is skiing, probably taking a lesson from someone named Chad, who won a Bronze medal in Freestyle something, but he’s like, “not a big deal, I was just stoked to be there.”

None of this really matters. It’s raining. You are loved and in love. Your son’s coming over to eat steak and watch Diner. (and he’s getting so handsome!) It’ your movie. Christmas, Baltimore, 1959.

The older I get the more it seems there are two ways to look at life, and pretty much only two:

a) Why does everything go wrong and suck?

b) This isn’t perfect, but  it’s pretty fuckin’ awesome.

Every day you choose to be sad or happy or nervous or whatever. You wake up and wonder, “where does all this anxiety come from?”. It’s pretty silly really, life is good if you’re living it. And any Christmas you’re around to experience is the best one ever. There’s an old saying, “angst is lame.”

Happy One to You. -jw

Who will win the College Football Championship?

I- great zamboni- usually do not make predictions, because if I am proven errogenous, the Devil can claim my soul. Ergo fiery pits, ergo despair, ergo sum not so fun.

But just because you only live once, I am going to make a prediction here at this very moment.

Alabama shall win their game.

Oregon shall win theirs.

The two shall meet. The Ducks will lord their feathery wonder over all.

There- and Devil, if you use your powers to sway the outcome just to claim my soul- I shall joust with you on the fields of Arden, until only one of us remains buoyant.

What should we do about police brutality and racial profiling?

cant breathe

I have been puzzling over the death of Michael Brown, as well as the other tragic, stupid, avoidable events, and pondering mightily. Actually, “events” seems a strange way to refer to murders. They are murders.

If indeed they are “tragic”, then like true tragedy it leaves us stunned into silence. Zamboni is no politician, and frankly, I have hard time with these questions. Silence in this case is useless. Why is it so hard to talk of skin color?

To adress these issues let us embrace the following;

1. Bring back “Beat”cops. When cops had a “beat”, an area they walked around in and policed, they knew people. It’s harder to choke to death someone you know or you know their aunt. I would guess. Police are always in their cars these days.

2. Let’s act as if  it’s the most important thing in the world right now, and create and attend large protests, protesting that Black Lives Matter. The more it happens, the more we become both numbed and outraged. Paradox. Even Zamboni may get off the couch to this Saturday’s  protest in San Francisco. Yes there are many ills and evils in the world, but at this very time, today, this IS the number one- if only because momentum toward change is here.

3. Civil Disobedience. Do not use senseless violence to protest senseless violence.

4. Empathy. Last night Zamboni spoke to a policeman guarding a barricade. His job was to stand all night near a barricade, just in cast someone did something. He was there for 5,6 hours. Street was dark and quiet. It must be hard to be a cop these days, I said. He said they are trained professionals. They know how to react.  I’m not sure what he meant by that.  His tone was blase. We have to remember they are scared people. Perhaps more scared than most because they have to remain stoic as “trained professionals.”

5. Hey idiots- no more “Anarchy” Breaking windows at Trader Joes insn’t helping.

An injustice to one, is an injustice to all.