Month: January 2017

Trump’s Empire is Massive!

Ladies and gentlemen of the Press who I respect so much even though all you fish gut suckers care about is my tax return.

You know what they say in Estonian Snooker clubs, if the Empire is massive, then it follows like night follows day, so is the penis!

But Trump, who is a good friend of mine, me, the one called Great Zamboni, yes GREAT Zamboni because my GREATNESS is really, really great, I mean really fantastic- Trump did travel to Estonia a few months ago to meet with me privately.

Now, as to your questions about whether or not Donald and I met privately with three comely and fetching toothless fishwives for some innocent massage and iced vodka shooters- well, we may have or we may not have. But I can tell you, that if we had -and seriously of all the people in this room do you really think WE wouldn’t do that?- if we had our sexual prowess would have been really really fantastic.

No have we cleared all that up?

 

I surviving 2017

How do I do it? I keep in mind the old Estonian saying, “your face should be like Ice”. You see, we Estonians are used to being taken over by many bamboozling buffoons- first it was the Danes in like year 1200, then the Teutonic Knight Order, the Germans, then the Soviets, then the Nazis, then the Soviets again- so being ruled over by bufoonery is old hat to us.

tombstone

How do we deal with less than savory rulers? We expect only shit from life all day every day. We tough through life and smile for no one expecting nothing but drudgery cold and darkness.

in this way, any brightness seems to us a great and wonderful surprise. Like when your dog lives to be older than 8 or your goat does not freeze into block of ice.

So get your Estonians balls America, its going to be a bumpy knight.