Month: February 2017

Moonlight or La La land, which really won?

I have received this question four hundred and three times in the last ten minutes from my panicked followers so I will try and elucidate what happened for you as best as only Great Zamboni can: (Meanwhile, Casey Afleck, please check your envelope carefully because I am sure Gosling must get your statue?!)

It wasn’t Warren Beatty losing his kishkas. It wasn’t a backstage mixup in which Emma Stone shmoozed Warren so hard they swapped envelopes. No. It was the trickster will of the Gods.

Look at Trump’s victory. Look at the craziest Superbowl comeback turnaround ever. This is the year of the Insane Revolution. I don’t mean just necessarily”revolution” as in Che Guevara or Les Miz or Hamilton and Valley Forge, I mean revolution in its literal record-revolving-33 revolutions per minute meaning- a turn completely around. That revolution.

Everywhere we look things are spinning higgledy-piggledy on their heads. The Statue of Liberty replaces her torch with a “closed” sign, presidents tweet while they poop and grab by the pussy, the poor vote for the rich and California’s draught turns to floods. So if this universal spirit of change has caused the great kerfuffle at the Oscars, the real question is; what does it mean?

Great Zamboni thinks that the take away from the times is this: you know somethings happening but you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones…

Yes like the Dylan song, something is happening. It’s a call to  awake! fron God himself. He talks to me regularly and has confirmed this. And by the way, he loved La La Land and Moonlight so much, even he couldn’t decide. The first is classic Hollywood  man-woman romance, updated beautiful for today with many white people. The second, a beautiful film about fear and taboos, man-man sort of romance, guardian angels,  and ultimately surviving long enough to be yourself, and with all Black people.

God- or whatever the voice is that I start hearing after I drink three Kombuchas and have my Blue Algae enema, perhaps wants us to know that it doesn’t have to be either/or with Love- it can be both and all. Maybe they can both be best.

Losing because of a coin toss is unamerican (?)

As you know, American Football is so big in Estonia that we were all around my huge 8 inch black and white watching this game yesterday. I was grilling sardines on the radiator of my Datsun b210, we were swilling Prune Vodka in the Ice Sailing clubhouse, and  every time the commentators said “the” , “and” or just any words, and we were taking shots- having the best time, what we in hardened Estonia call, “slightly better than cold death.”

But then, these teams go to overtime, and just because Patriots win coin toss, they get ball first. They score a touching down, then I expect the Falconers of Atlanta to get a chance- BUT NO- you America say game over!

? Game over? Other team not even get a chance? I don’t understand your great country. Is it all just rigged? Or just the result of chance?

How can it be fair?

Is it  not even  an even playing field on your playing field? By the smooth skin of Vladimir Putin’s chin, I just don’t get it.

So funny with America, your superbowl a last minute switcharoo too- just like election! I guess it is like my Grandma Shlockma said, “a consistent large pimple you have for a year, better than a surprise ulcer you get once”