When will the rain come?

This question came to me -great zamboni- by way of a visit paid me by a very green grasshopper who alighted upon my window last night.

Soon.

But what will it bring? For that, listen to the song.

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Who will win the Democratic nomination?

This question was asked to me, Great Zamboni,  by Anderson Cooper, Angela Merkel, and Mark Zuckerberg this morning as we all milked goats on my Canary Island heavily gated compound, appropriately called Rancho el Zamboni.

Zuckerberg was terrible at it and required repeated tutorial by Squib, my Latvian goat handler.  Anderson  seemed like he’d been squeezing goat teat since birth. Love that guy! Angela was hungover and was resting, she told me , “I will blow sauerbrauten if I milk those fucking goats right now.” I love her! Totes.

I told them I was not a fortune teller, that I answer important questions that arise from the souls of humans, that I am not  a Vegas book maker anymore, so these questions don’t interest me much, the whole predict-the-winner thing.

But what the hell,  consistency is the hobnobbler of simple minds, so here’s my thoughts after the debate, and even though I love Trump as my ex lover and good golf buddy, I will tell what I see.  Bernie Sanders should win but he won’t because he is balding and angry- two things which have never helped someone get elected. Remember Howard Dean yelling? Remeber McCains baldy?

Hilary will get elected because she has all the smarts of her husband, is smiling more now, and will not sneak an intern into the servants quarters for a cigar blowie.

Now, who will Zamboni vote for? O’malley of course.

 

Hey Hungary, Fuck You!

I know, usually these columns begin with a question for me, the great one, namely, I, Great Zamboni. But today, in the morning, as I was drinking my dawn elixir of goat pee, Acai berry, and walnut shells ground to a ridiculously fine patina- I heard on the news that in Hungary they are basically saying “fuck you Syrian refugees!”. So I simply want to say FUCK YOU HUNGARY! Open your damn doors!

Now that I have got that rage out of my system, I say, more calmly, that all of us must bear this burden to help these folks find a home. USA included! And guess what? An influx of immigrants does not put strain on an economy- in fact, if anything, it helps it! This has been documented by studies. Germany is very smart. More people, means more people will need haircuts, groceries, marbles and coats- and these new people can work, supplying these new needs! Why can we not let these huddled masses into this country as well?

You know Zamboni himself is an immigrant. I came to this country wearing nothing but my fez and a dream. My dream was to live in a place where I could pursue happiness, breed goats in the fashion I prefer, rip phonebooks apart on the subway, and be who I am. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?

http://www.npr.org/2015/10/07/446499543/hungarian-ambassador-clarifies-hungary-s-migrant-policy