Ladies and gentlemen of the Press who I respect so much even though all you fish gut suckers care about is my tax return.

You know what they say in Estonian Snooker clubs, if the Empire is massive, then it follows like night follows day, so is the penis!

But Trump, who is a good friend of mine, me, the one called Great Zamboni, yes GREAT Zamboni because my GREATNESS is really, really great, I mean really fantastic- Trump did travel to Estonia a few months ago to meet with me privately.

Now, as to your questions about whether or not Donald and I met privately with three comely and fetching toothless fishwives for some innocent massage and iced vodka shooters- well, we may have or we may not have. But I can tell you, that if we had -and seriously of all the people in this room do you really think WE wouldn’t do that?- if we had our sexual prowess would have been really really fantastic.

No have we cleared all that up?